


Unreality

by sadifura



Category: Generator Rex
Genre: Discussions of ableism, Gen, Mental Health Issues, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadifura/pseuds/sadifura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Breach contemplates the existence of the world, both her world and the world around her. This takes place before she left The Pack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unreality

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, before we begin, HUGE trigger warning for unreality. Breach often doubts her existence, stating that she's just the dream of someone, and if she ever dies or "snaps and breaks" she'll just wake up in a bed somewhere with two arms and loving parents. If you're susceptible to dissociation/depersonalization, please be careful while reading. There's also a huge trigger warning for ableism, both from Van Kleiss, Circe, and internalized ableism from "Good Breach" (which is how she imagines herself if she were "normal"). If you're highly triggered by these things, please be careful while reading.

It was the middle of the night. The base of The Pack was dark, dreary, and damp. Breach didn't mind, most of the time; it fit her dismal state of mind half the time, and in the other half, she could just retreat to her little world. Yes, Greenville.

Greenville was a slice of heaven; it was a place where she could play with her dolls and make them fight. If they made her mad, she could just throw them away. If they yelled at her and called her stupid, she could just tear them apart. If they hated her and abandoned her, she could just dump them in a random place. Even she didn't know where her dollies would go when she'd get mad. It didn't matter though. It was just a game. In games, people don't abandon you and yell at you, right? Of course, just thinking about abandonment made her think of things she didn't want to remember...

...The other Breach showed up. The Breach with two arms, the normal Breach, the Breach with a family, the Breach who everyone loves. The Breach that Circe doesn't yell at for being a freak of nature the Breach that Van Kleiss doesn't slap and call a psychotic idiot the good Breach Breach Breach Breach Breach----------

The Good Breach was SO much prettier than the ugly dream Breach sitting in her designated hole in the pack. The good Breach has materialized before her eyes, and she's laughing. She screamed and threw her pillow at the Good Breach, wanting her to go away. She was scary, the Good Breach was so scary! She was good, but she was mean mean mean! Mean mean mean mean mean!!! She made fun of her and pointed and laughed and taunted and spit on her and kicked her and kicked her face and her shoes and pinned her down and laughed! Oh, how she laughed! 

But that was okay! The Good Breach was just like everyone else, the normal people! The good normal people who laughed at her and pulled her hair! The good, normal people like Van Kleiss, who told her how horrible she was. She was horrible, the Bad Breach sitting in the hole. The Bad Breach, the "Existing" Breach was horrible.

She was horrible because she wasn't real.

"Silly Breach!" the Good Breach she laughed. "Silly, silly, Breach! You messed up again, and now everyone's mad at you! Pinch yourself and punch yourself with all your might, but it's all just a dream~! You're just a dream, and nobody wants you to wake up!"

"Stop it!" She screamed at the Good Breach. She wanted her to stop, to stop laughing at her, to stop breathing, to stop existing, to stop, stop stop! Stop! But there was another part of Breach, the Bad Breach, the Existing Breach, that wanted to stop breathing. Did...did the Good Breach want her to die too? 

"Do you...want me to die?" She croaked weakly, feeling herself start to cry. Was she crying? No, she wasn't! Circe said that she didn't have emotions! Circe said she was an unfeeling monster! Circe said, Circe said, Circe said---!

Good Breach laughed. "You're stupid! Of course I want you to die! Didn't you hear what Van Kleiss said?" She whispered, getting close to her ear, to her neck, to her brain, to her thoughts. "No, I didn't hear what he said!" She shouted, crying. "Van Kleiss didn't say it, he didn't say it! Leave me be!"

But the Good Breach didn't leave her alone, getting even closer to her head-- her ears -- her brain -- her thoughts. "He saiiiiiiiid that you were useless! He told you, God didn't want you! He told you that God told him that you weren't real!" She smiled, repeating every word that Van Kleiss said.

The sadness that Breach felt shifted, turning into anger. "LIAR!" She tried to hit Good Breach, trying to dig her fists into her delicate skin, but she missed. "Ah, what a failure," she said, enunciating every syllable of "failure" to her ears -- head -- brain. "You might as well kill yourself, Breach," she said, her voice morphing into Van Kleiss' himself, the descendant of God himself, the creator of perfection himself, the judge of her disgusting body -- mind -- existence herself.

"You. Don't. Exist." Breach shouted to the transluscent figure of Kleiss -- Christ -- God. "You! Don't! Exist!" She shouted, over and over and over. A repeating mantra of nonexistence flowed through The Pack, though Breach was the only one to hear.

And in an instant, Van Kleiss -- Christ -- God himself had vanished. 

"Uuuu..." Breach began to cry like a child missing it's mother's milk. She began to cry like a lost animal, a lost child, a lost child of god, a lost child of the devil. 

And then, Breach had a thought. Hey, she thought. If I say that I don't exist, will I disappear too? Just like Good Breach -- Van Kleiss -- God...? 

She tried saying it: "I don't exist, I don't exist," but nothing happened. She didn't disappear, she didn't wake up in her bed, seeing her adoring "parents(?)" and her "siblings(?)" either. Nothing happened. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Thus, Breach came to a simple conclusion before drifting off to a dreamless sleep: "Nothing is real."


End file.
